The Art of Being Selfish

When we are born we are the center of our universe. Slowly society teaches us that our needs should never come first. Being selfish, being self centered, is being bad and that’s not good. The truth is success comes from being selfish, putting your needs and dreams ahead of everything else. This is the secret of the universe, where you focus your energy is what manifests.


When I was a new mother my aunt told me, the biggest lie of women’s lib(eration) was to make us think we can have it all, at the same time. You have to prioritize. You only have 100% how you slice it up is up to you. You can give 90% to your career and your home and family 10, some part of your life is going to be lacking. I made a decision right there to be the best mother I can be, which means every other aspect of my life came second. I do not regret it. Now, my only child will soon be leaving the house and for the first time, in a long time, I can consider- what do I want?

Those four little words, “what do I want”, has led me to the center of myself. Babies in a nurturing home get their needs met and they are the center of the universe. However, when we get older, the ‘I wants’ are shamed out of us. We are taught empathy. We are forced to share. We are taught helping others equates to happiness. We can see that helping others with their wants leads to praise, smiles, hugs, all positives. We learn focusing on self is shunned, may be punished, cause friction, or generates bad feelings. We are taught that it’s wrong to consider our feelings first. Some of us are so damaged by this, we don’t know who we are. Therefore, we cannot possibly answer the question: what do I want?


The internal conflict is giving yourSelf permission to be selfish. It takes strength to look in the mirror and know thyself. That means knowing what makes you happy, where your joy lies. This is almost an impossible task for many of us. We believe that selfishness is a sin, it is opposite of loving and that simply not true. There is nothing more loving than loving yourself. That is a natural truth. It is natural to take care of Self, all animals know this, it’s instinctual. So, what’s wrong with us? Why is it so hard to say,” this is me, I am…” and “I love me”?

The names, the labels, and the negativity: narcissistic and uncaring. All because you found your joy and you are living it. You have to get past what others think, say and/or do. You are unique, with special gifts to share. I’m coming to believe that we all need to be selfish. At some point in your life you have to look in the mirror. When you do, you want to love what you see, from the inside out. I am not suggesting that you neglect your life, your family, or work. I am suggesting, with regularity, you do something completely selfish. Spend some time remembering who you are, things you love and do that. You cannot keep putting off your joy; your tomorrow may never get here. If you love skipping, drawing, whistling, whatever that is, take time and live freely, if only for a few moments. It will change your life.

Written by: Tanzania Lucas

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